You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Boobs are out for the taking
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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