Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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