I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
