If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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