There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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