An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
