we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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