the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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