Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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