Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
