we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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