did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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