i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
nutella sex= disaster
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
