when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
