totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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