i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
