If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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