just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
