apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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