What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
