His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
