Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
