If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
