I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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