I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
