I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
