there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
