Tell her she can't have a vagina
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
