College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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