I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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