Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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