does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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