Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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