You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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