you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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