so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
