i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
