There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
