I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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