Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You can't motorboat a personality
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
