Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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