dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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