I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
