she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
