i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
