Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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