You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize