this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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