all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
