i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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