I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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