look no pants
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
