imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
