Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
