Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
