Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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