also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
