Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
