how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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