You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
