It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
