I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
