I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
