It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
