Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
