He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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