Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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