I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
